In today’s article we focus on something that most certainly affects your life. That is trust, reliance, faith and relationships. That just about sums up life, right?
It doesn’t matter who you are, a doctor, a homeschooling mother, a professional business executive,whatever you are, you are you. We dive into how you build and foster true trust and reliance on Allah, and how it impacts every area of your life.
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This affects you.
Now, what if you could have complete reliance and faith that you’d be okay.
You might be thinking right now.Well, actually, I am okay.
And that’s probably true.
Everyone’s okay in some parts of their life.
What’s the area in your life that you feel challenged in?
I could be wrong but it usually comes back to reliance, trust, faith or relationships.
Feeling connected to your Creator, the All Merciful, the All Loving has its benefits.
The most important of those is that we want to feel secure. Because in the face of insecurity, nothing feels right.
Even when it is right. That’s the crazy thing about it.
Nothing feels right, even if it is right.
So it’s important to understand that your most important reliance factor is that security. Having faith and trust in the Almighty is so important, beyond what most people think.
People talk about Tawakkul.They throw this word around like it’s a sure thing.
But from my experience coaching people, whether it’s intervention therapy type stuff, or whatever else it is, there’s a struggle.
Business people, senior executives, medical professionals, clinicians, therapists, doesn’t matter what they are,everyone seems to have some sort of struggle with this word, reliance and trust.
Now, it may not be in every single area of your life. But in some areas, there’s a challenge no doubt.
People who suffer from emotional turmoil have these challenges.
The feeling of trust and faith and reliance is missing a lot of the times.
What could be worse than having to have constant emotional highs and lows that you can’t control?
Many of us feel that.
We trust in the wisdom of the Creator. We trust that we’ll be okay.
But when it comes down to the challenges with your husband or your wife, be it your livelihood, your job, the economic challenges be it the struggle that you have with yourself.
Whatever the challenge, we feel we can’t handle it.
We don’t always articulate that and sometimes we don’t even think about it. But many times we feel it.
I tell myself, “I can do this.” But when I go into one of those lows, I could be out for days, if not weeks, where I can’t seem to pick myself up and get myself out of it.
Have you experienced that?
Many of the people that I work with or talk to experience these sorts of lows that lasts for a long time.
Regardless of what kind of professional they are, even if they’re in the medical profession, even if they’re psychology specialists.
This makes sense at times and other times it seems like it’s a complete lie. We don’t say that but it’s in our minds.
These thoughts go through our minds.
You feel like you trust no one and you struggle with that internal feeling of being alone, not knowing how to handle it.
What I’ve experienced through working with many professionals, many individuals who have a high level of success in their life, in terms of their careers, many of them who are senior executives, professionals at the top of their game, leaders in their field.
They are producers, go getters, and they work real hard.
But even then, even with all the success in their careers, they suffer with these emotional challenges. The lows we find ourselves in.
No one knows it, and no one can even see it, except those who are close to them.
Those sorts of people, the high producers, the productive people, whatever you want to call them.
They’re busy and they put up a facade like everyone else.
You go to work, you go into the world, and you put up this happy go lucky face. And no one sees a thing.
No one can even see or sense that feeling of being unsettled or unhappy.
People don’t like to admit that they’re unhappy. So, you go out into the world and the world sees this happy go lucky face.
Everything’s cool. No problem.
However, when you come home, you put away that facade, because you don’t have to put on this face anymore.
You can just be yourself.
But when you are just being yourself, you find that you’re being challenged in your relationships, with your husband, or your wife, challenged with your children, you’ve been challenged with your own mind.
This is a typical situation I’ve seen amongst high achievers, amongst leaders, amongst the people who are doing well in some areas of their lives.
They are, no doubt, successful. They’ve achieved great success in some areas of their life, whether it’s career, financial, whatever it is.
On the same front, they’re actually suffering themselves. No one knows it and they feel alone because of it.
I say they, but it’s very much about you and I.
I know that feeling. I’m not just saying that.
We’re all on different paths in our lives but we’re all human.
So you’re not alone. Even when you feel like you are.
We go out looking for that security, we find it temporarily in places that we can’t maintain.
You find it for a while and it’s okay and everything’s great.
But you find it difficult to maintain. Then we’re constantly in a state of fear that we’re about to lose it, that we’re not going to be able to maintain that sense of security, the sense of peace, the sense of inner tranquillity.
Then all of a sudden, we suffer in trying to maintain it.
I talk about faith and trust and relationships, but most problems that I’ve seen, come back to relationship problems.
And if you’re wondering what the connection is. This is it.
It’s either a problem in your relationship with your Creator, or it’s a relationship problem with people in your life.
But even worse than that. The third one is a relationship problem with yourself.
That’s the one that people can’t seem to understand and get their heads around. So ask yourself.
What if you could have a relationship with Allah (swt) that transforms your life?
I mean it would absolutely do that with no doubt. But you’re probably wondering, as many of the people I work with wonder, well, I’m doing the best that I can.
I’m trying to do the things that are good, that are pleasing to Allah, (swt) but why do I feel these challenges?
Why is my life so difficult? Or why do I feel like I can’t handle it?
The answer to that thought running through your mind, is right there in the thought, in the question that you’re asking yourself.
What do you think could be wrong in your relationship?
You feel you can’t handle it.
Just think about those words.
That doesn’t mean you can’t handle it. But you feel that it’s not possible to get through this.
So ask yourself, haven’t you got through it in the past?
When you feel like you can’t handle it, and you feel like you can’t get through this.
Ask yourself the question. Haven’t I got through this in the past?
Do you feel you can trust the One who controls your life and everything in it?
There is a power beyond this world, beyond this creation, beyond your imagination, that controls all of it.
Do you know and believe there is hope?
Because the challenge that most people are having is that either they don’t know. Or if they know they don’t believe it.
That’s a fact. That’s what’s going on. People don’t believe it.
If you don’t believe that there’s light at the end of the tunnel, if you don’t believe that it’s possible, you’re not going to feel too good.
You’re not going to feel okay. And all you have to do is decide to believe.
Know that it can happen and you’ll see it happening.
If you’ve been thinking you don’t see how and you can’t see light at the end of the tunnel, you’ll struggle to believe it.
The Key to Everything
In Surah At Talaaq, verse 3, Allah says categorically that whoever has trust and reliance, then He will suffice them.
وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُ
Whoever has trust and reliance, He will suffice them, He’ll be enough for them.
The word enough is not a good translation. And even suffice is probably not a good translation.
Here’s a fuller meaning closer to the truth and essence of what this means.
Whoever trusts and believes, He will be everything for you, if you trust and believe, He will be everything for you, Azzawajal ( Mighty and the Majestic).
That’s the key. If you have that, you have everything.
Then there’s relationships with other people. This is the big one that I see a lot.
Relationships with other people, whether it’s with your husband, with your wife, whether it’s with your boss, your neighbour, your children, your parents, it doesn’t matter who, it’s a struggle for anyone and everyone who feels life is too difficult.
They don’t feel secure in their emotional state, and they’ll inevitably feel insecure.
As a result of that, relationships will suffer. If you’re not feeling secure and okay in your relationship with someone, then your relationship will suffer.
Even if your relationship from the other side is okay. For example, your relationship with your husband or your wife or whoever it is, from their side, everything’s fine.
Everything’s hunky dory, no problem. Let’s just chill, let’s just do stuff.
But you’re like, I don’t trust you.
I don’t know if you’re going to follow through.
If you take everything that comes from this person through the lens of insecurity, you’re not going to trust them. You’re not going to have faith in that relationship with them.
And because you pin your emotions or your feelings on that relationship, you’re not feeling secure in that relationship.
You’re going to create problems and without even realising it. You may come across like an ice Queen or King, cold, hard on the surface and unapproachable.
That would certainly impact your relationship. You could be doing that simply because you’re trying to maintain yourself, to preserve yourself, trying to be okay.
So you do that to keep yourself sane. But that affects your relationships.
I’ve seen this over and over again. We all experience it. I’ve seen it in my own life. We all have this experience.
You might actually come across the complete opposite. You may not be that ice queen.
You may not be that person that’s coming across like the hard person that you know people can’t get through to. You may actually come across as being really into the person that you’re trying to have this relationship with.
And you become really needy and vulnerable.
But people will feel the burden of that need.
If the people, or this person in your life, even though you can’t see it, if they feel needy themselves, and they feel like they’re missing something, then your neediness will repel them.
Not because they don’t want to help you or they don’t want to connect with you. Not because they don’t want to have some sort of connection or relationship with you.
But because they will feel they can’t handle you. They can’t help you.
In their mind, they’re thinking, how can I help you?
I can’t help myself, I’m struggling with that myself.
Your husband or your wife or your child or your parents, may be feeling like they can’t manage themselves.
This is very normal. Very common.This isn’t something specific to just you and your relationships.
A lot of people have this struggle.
People will struggle in their relationships, because they feel the burden of each other’s emotional needs.
A good solution is to turn back to Al Wadud.Ar Rahman. That will give you what you need.
Turn back to the One who is eternally loving. That will give you the security that you need.
That will make you feel what you need, and whoever has that reliance and trust will have their needs fulfilled.
It will completely change the dynamics of your relationship with other people.
Because if you’re completely fulfilled, then you don’t need anything from that relationship, which makes that relationship much easier.
You, You and You
Lastly, the type of relationship a lot of people struggle with is the one with themselves.
People struggle with themselves and they wonder why they don’t believe in themselves.
What’s wrong with me, Why is this happening to me? These are thoughts that pop up.
Many people don’t trust themselves.
Why don’t we trust ourselves?
Why do we have a problem even saying that we like ourselves, let alone love ourselves?
When I ask this question to people and my clients.
Do you love yourself? That is such an uncomfortable question for so many people.
Now turning to you. I want you to think about this.
Can you sit down and write why you love yourself? What do you appreciate about yourself?
Try it, stop reading right now and try to write the answers and see how you feel.
You’ve got to at least like yourself.I know this is a really sensitive topic.
And it really hurts to even think about it for many of us.
Because we struggle with this. So let me give you an easy way out of this.
Once again, turn back to the One who takes care of you and has always loved you, Al Wadud.
The truth is in the fact that you are alive and functioning. You have people that you can still connect to, even when you feel you can’t.
One of the challenges is you might feel like you can’t love yourself. But you absolutely can.
Or at least you can start by liking you.
You don’t have to tell anyone. But you can do it. Whatever your relationship challenge is, it’s all based on how secure or insecure you feel.
I hope this rings true in your mind. But go over this again.
Have a second read and allow your mind to just sit with this information.
Maybe it has the potential to change your life. But right now you can’t see it.
Maybe you just don’t see it right now. Because you’re in some sort of emotional state of mind that’s not conducive to you seeing things clearly.
Come back and read this with a clear mind. Guaranteed, you will hear and see a different message when your mind is clear.
What I’ve shared with you here is actually enough to change your life, if you fully understood it.
The truth is, if you can get this,as short as it is, Insha’ Allah, it will make all the difference. I have no doubt about that.
Because it’s based on the verse :
Whoever has that trust and reliance in Allah (swt),He will suffice you, He will be everything.
Everything you could possibly need.
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