#024 How to Feel Good

In this article, I help you with something we all look for.

How to feel good especially when you just don’t know how. Sounds like a bit of a contradiction, but if you’re experiencing this, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. 

We go after feelings all of our lives. But sometimes we just don’t know what we’re looking for. That’s the human condition. 

If you’ve ever found yourself yearning for happiness without a clear path, you’re not alone.

People are on this constant journey of self-satisfaction.

That doesn’t mean we’re all selfish individuals. It’s just human nature that we try and feel good about ourselves. And of course, about life in general.

Was there ever a moment when you wanted to feel bad about yourself? 

Or is it that you experience really difficult feelings and then you try anything to escape them? 

A typical example of this would be when you’re feeling low or feeling bad. 

A notorious feeling disliked by people is guilt or emotional pain. 

The truth is we make mistakes. That’s a normal part of life. 

But part of that is that we feel bad or even sad. 

Sometimes you feel a spiral down into a low mood. And you just can’t snap out of it. 

It’s like an inbuilt alarm system. 

I have a podcast about this alarm system that Allah(swt) has created within us. You may have heard it and if you didn’t, you should.

It’s like an alarm system within you that warns that you’re crossing the boundaries and something needs your attention.

The Way Out 

Now, there’s always a way. 

That’s why Allah(swt); the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth, the Most Merciful, the One who created you built within you this human system of feelings. 

Something within you that pulls you back, gives you a signal so that you turn back. 

I’ll give you an example of something that’s very common.

We feel guilty about things that we’ve done and mistakes we’ve made. And one of the key paths to extinguishing that feeling, to get rid of it, is to seek forgiveness, to turn back to Allah. 

You might call it repentance, you might call it Istighfaar, you might call it just turning back and seeking forgiveness. 

It’s the most powerful doorway to feeling good about yourself. 

Turning back from the mistakes. 

It’s about reconnecting to the Most Forgiving Creator, the Perpetual Forgiver and it’s one of the ways that will set you free from those feelings you don’t enjoy experiencing.

We don’t use this enough. And we stay stuck in those feelings. In fact, sometimes those feelings exacerbate. 

They get worse and then you feel really challenged. 

Good Decision Making

Let’s go deeper about feelings, about how to feel good generally.

The most empowering thing about feeling good and how to do it is knowing that it’s a choice.

Feeling good is a choice. 

But only when you realise you have that choice. 

We tend to default to whatever circumstance we’re being subjected to. Or whatever circumstance we find ourselves in, whatever circumstance we choose to be in.

When we default to all of these things happening to us, then it’s almost as if we become the victim of the world or the victim of circumstances.

By doing that, we give up the power to feel good. 

I want you to understand that means you have the power. 

In my own experience, coaching people and training coaches, in what we call therapeutic coaching, we see all too often that people who suffer are the people who do not understand their God-given power to change the way they feel. 

I know that sounds so simple. 

I hear people saying, ‘How can it be so simple?’ And these people are specialists.

If you’re a trained specialist, in whichever modality, and you’re experienced in working with people, you understand that sometimes it’s a hit-and-miss.

Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.

But there’s an easy way out of this.

It takes time, but it’s easy. And even when I say it takes time, it’s not like you have to be in therapy for years and years. 

You and I have the power to change the way we feel. 

Most of the challenges that we experience in life are all about the way we feel. 

Any challenge in your life. Any problem that you’re experiencing in your life. 

If you didn’t feel the way you were feeling, you’d be okay. 

Even if everything was chaotic but you felt good about yourself, good at that moment, then you would feel like you could handle it.

But when you feel like you can’t, then it becomes a real challenge. 

Sure, we can’t control everything that’s going on in the world.

If you are subjected to circumstances, if you are left to become the victim of circumstance, if you do not take control of yourself, then you’re going to be subject to the challenges of having all these bad feelings.

This is one of the things that I teach in my coaching school, in my training programme; the Ilmu Nafs; the science of the self.

It’s a comprehensive science, an Islamic science that teaches us about the way we’ve been designed. 

And here’s the good news. In just about everything that we look at from the creation of the Creator, we see that there is simplicity.

Allah (swt) put simplicity in the design of the creation. The way we work is simple. 

You surely can make it complex in the explanation that you give.

Or you can make it as simple as it is. Everything serves a simple purpose, a simple function.

The way our feelings, our thoughts, and our emotions work is very simple. 

We have the ability to choose how we feel. Choice is the keyword here.

You don’t have control over everything outside of you. And what happens outside of you cannot control what goes on inside of you. 

It can influence it, can affect it, but it cannot control it.

Only you control it. That’s your God-given power. 

It’s all about understanding that power. 

If you can understand the power you have to choose and feel what you want to feel, you can change your own life because feelings are internally created.

It’s something within you. That means you have the power to do something about it. 

If you can understand that the feelings are internal, then you can take back that power and create changes. 

I’ll give you a very simple way to do this which will have an impact on you and it’s going to really help you in everyday life. 

Once again, this is the design of the Designer, the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth. He(swt) has designed you in this way. And it only works in that way. 

That means if you can take control of whatever you’re choosing to focus on, choosing to feel, you can take control of the way you experience life. 

I reckon this is the reason you’re even reading this article right now. Because you want that. You want to take control of the way you feel and how your life’s going. 

This is something that you have the power to do. 

Sometimes we just don’t know how to change that. And we spiral into negative feelings and we feel very drained.

So often I hear people say: “I’m so tired of feeling this, tired of this vicious circle. I want to give up.”

People feel like giving up. But there’s no giving up. That feeling is something that is internally created. 

If the circumstances outside of you, in your world, are affecting you to the point that you have all these horrible feelings inside, then you can stop those circumstances. Because it’s a choice.

People work so hard to succeed in life. Yet after all of that, we still struggle to feel good. 

We succeed in different areas of our lives, in our careers, in our family lives, in our social lives, in our community work, and in whatever it is that we do. 

You succeed at that. But feeling good is not about succeeding at those things. It’s not what you think it is.

Most people chase those things for most of their lives to realise once they’ve attained it, that it doesn’t give them the feelings they were hoping for.

That’s why Allah (swt) sent Revelation so that it becomes crystal clear.

It becomes the purification of anything that takes you away from or diverts you from what’s good for you, cleansing your heart. 

You often hear people use the words Tazkiyatun Nafs, purifying the self. 

But I want to simplify it further.

It’s all about how you feel. It’s all about the state of your heart.  

If the state of your heart is peaceful, you’ll feel that peaceful, serene, calm state.

You won’t be in a situation where you’re constantly chasing feelings, all your life.

This is the warning.

If you don’t pay attention to this, you’ll continue to be dominated by your desire to feel good all your life.

Because that’s an inbuilt thing. We all want that. And it’s all about the state of your heart.

The state of your heart is about what you think and believe, what you focus on. 

If you think and believe everything that comes to mind, you’re going to be in a state of panic.

You’re going to be in a desperate state because you’re going to be subjected to every single thought and belief.

As a result of that, you’re going to feel mixed up with many different feelings.

So it’s all about what you focus on and what you believe.

When you look at the verses of the Quran, Allah (swt) always talks about belief. 

Belief in the Akhirah, belief in Allah, belief in the Angels, belief in the Prophets, belief in all of those things that form the creed, the belief system that creates all of the things that you need.

But along with all those beliefs, they’re there to empower you. 

Your Beliefs About Your Life 

Let’s take it away from creed and focus on beliefs that you have about life. 

If your beliefs and the things that you’re thinking about constantly dominate your thoughts or throw you into a state of anxiety and panic, stress, and fear then you’re being dominated by the feelings that are based on the state of your heart.

Because it’s your heart that’s believing all of it. 

If you want to satisfy that desire for feeling good, the greatest satisfaction that you’ll ever get is in the connection; in the remembrance of Allah. 

We know that because Allah ( swt)  tells us categorically it is only in the remembrance of Allah that you will find that contentment and that peace. – Surah Ar-Ra’d vese 28.

You will find ultimate satisfaction there and your heart will rest at ease with who you are.

Understanding who you are is key to this because you are the creation of the Most Merciful.

When you connect to Ar Rahman, to Ar Rahim, through your beliefs, thinking, and remembering, you feel that ease.

It’s impossible to find this anywhere else. You’ll only ever feel that peace, tranquillity, and security in that connection. 

And when you find that peace, you’ll find everything that you need. The turbulence in your life will disappear. 

That is the state of the heart. 

That’s what you’ve got to focus on. The state of the heart, the state of your thinking, your beliefs.

If you focus on all of the things that are negative, those triggers that make you feel bad, then you’re going to be in a constant state of feeling bad.

So, what are you focusing on?

What You Focus on Matters 

Are you focusing on the thoughts and beliefs that create happiness, tranquillity, and ease? 

Or does your mind constantly focus on all of the things that throw you into suspicion and doubt and insecurity, feeling bad and fearful, and all of those things around that?

If you’re focusing on the latter, you’re going to struggle.

When you change your focus onto the former, on to all of the things that you’ve gone over in this article, life changes

All of a sudden you’re feeling what you want to feel.

If you speak to any of my clients or any of the people that I coach and train, they’ll tell you that this is exactly what you need.  

If you can just get this part, that you have the choice, you have the ability, you have the power to do this, you’re going to find everything you need, and you’ll know how to feel good.

Even when you feel like you don’t know how because that feeling itself is an illusion. It’s a distraction. IGNORE it, and go for what you know is true. 

One thing that’s always true is Allah(swt); Ar Rahman is always looking out for you.