Today’s article is about who you are.
Now, that might sound a little strange but what I often get with a lot of my coaching or therapy clients is that they don’t know.
They’re struggling to find their purpose. They’re struggling to really understand who they are.
One of the things I hear a lot is, “I just don’t know who I am and I’m struggling with that.
The question is, who are you? And how do you find your purpose and peace in life?”
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This is a question that we’re asking over and over again in life.
How do you make life happen? Especially the way you want it.
Successful and Stuck
Most people have established some level of success in life.
They’ve accumulated some of life’s things and experiences and accomplishments.
Things that make people happy yet they’re still on this quest for peace and contentment.
You could have all of the bells and whistles of life and still feel like you’re not complete or you don’t have what you need in life.
As a result of this, we often turn on ourselves.
We become very discontent, and tired of searching, and it’s almost like no matter where you search, you don’t find peace and contentment.
There’s always this feeling of being unsettled. It’s a challenge for so many people.
Many of the people that I coach and help, whether it’s Quranic intervention, therapy-type work, or whatever it may be, have this universal quest for peace.
You might have all the bells and whistles of success.
You’ve succeeded to a high degree in some areas of your life.
In other areas of life, you feel like you’re a complete failure, or that you don’t have what you need.
Perhaps you’ve got everything that you want, but there’s still something missing.
There’s always something missing.
You have this constant feeling of being unsettled.
In the midst of this, people are telling themselves to focus on gratitude.
That’s one of the keys to happiness.
But it’s not the key to being content or to knowing who you are.
Therefore, I’ll try to help you figure out who you are by sharing some of my own insights and some of the understanding that I’ve gleaned from my own journey with the Quran Insha’Allah.
The first fact to establish is that you’re a human being.
This means that you can’t be perfect. So you have to throw perfectionism out the window.
A lot of people are challenged by what is known as perfectionism.
We say things like, “I’m a perfectionist. I’m an all-in person, it’s all or nothing.”
What that usually means is nothing.
Because you are never happy with the all because it’s not perfect enough. Perfect is just not possible for a human being.
Hence, we can just live being the best that we can be.
There’s only one perfection. And that is the Creator of the Heavens and Earth; Allah (swt).
As for you and I, we are perfectly human. So a lot of the discontentment that people suffer from is due to feeling like they can’t live up to their perfect selves.
So they tell themselves for example, that a mother or father should be a perfect role model.
And if I can’t be that perfect role model, then I’m a failure.
Some of the things you hear are, “I should have perfect memory, Why can’t I remember things? Everyone else seems to be able to.
I just can’t carry out my plans, I can’t follow through.
No matter how badly I want it. I just don’t have the self-discipline.”
Another thing I often hear is, “I’ve done everything I can to be happy. But it feels like I’m not getting the help and support.’
Often, one of the thoughts that run through peoples’ minds is that Allah is not supporting them.
They don’t want to think that, no one wants to think that. But what happens is that you feel it and then you have this internal conflict.
You know that you’ve got lots of blessings in your life. But you just can’t seem to figure out where this discontentment is coming from.
These are just some of the things that people say to themselves.
When they find that there is no perfect solution and that they don’t get exactly what they expect, they feel unhappy.
If that feeling is left for long enough, they begin to feel disoriented. They don’t have direction in life. They don’t know which way to go.
If you’ve ever felt this way. Like you don’t know which way to go to make this better.
The thoughts behind this are often, If only I could know myself, I’d know how to be happy and content.
When we spend many years of our lives going through different trials and challenges, we’re always in a fix-it mode or survival mode.
And if you spend time in that place, soon you wake up to look at others who seem to be okay, no matter what challenges they have.
And you begin to think you don’t know what to do. You don’t know how to get to that place of peace and contentment.
“I’m successful in my career. I’ve raised beautiful children. I’ve done X, Y, Z. But it doesn’t matter what I do. It’s always like I’m carrying the world on my back.”
I’ll be frank because this is really important.
If you’ve ever felt like that, when is it enough? How much do you need to have of whatever you want, for it to be enough?
If you haven’t defined it and you don’t know when it’s enough and how you will recognise it, then you’re going to be stuck.
You’re going to be in this constant quest for something that you don’t know.
Picture this scenario.
There’s a target out there that you’re trying to reach. But you don’t know what it looks like. You don’t know what it feels like.
How much stuff do you need in your life? How many things, experiences, people, whatever it is, do you need in your life, to feel satiated?
Because the human appetite is rarely satiated. It will never be enough. You will always want more.
More happiness, more peace, more things, more money, more time, more of whatever your heart desires.
If that’s the case, you’ll find yourself always yearning for more.
And if you’re always yearning for more, you’ll always feel you need to achieve or to attain or to experience those things, to feel contentment and peace.
I find myself always wanting more. And I tell myself, I don’t need much more. I’m not greedy.
We tell ourselves stuff like, I want these things so that I can be a better person or I can serve others or I can help others.
Deep down inside, we all say those things. But it seems that the quench for more is never satisfied.
When we can’t satisfy those desires, we feel we aren’t enough. Pay attention to these words.
When we’re unable to satisfy our desires, we feel that we are not enough.
Like we need to be someone different. We need to become this superior version of ourselves because only then will we find peace, contentment, and happiness.
At this point, people say, I don’t know who I am.
Discover The Real You
You are you. That’s it.
Whoever you decide to be is okay. As long as you remember that you are the creation and the servant of Allah.
If you lose that connection and if you lose sight of the fact that you are the creation of the Almighty, the All-Merciful, the All-Loving, you will always feel incomplete or broken, or uncared for, not wanted.
All of those things are going to lead you to a horrible place that you’re not going to enjoy.
You don’t have to be someone else.
You don’t have to reach the place that others have reached. You can just be you. You are the creation of the Most Merciful.
If you remember who you are, the creation of the Most Merciful, Creator of the Heavens and Earth, then you’ll find your place in the world.
You’ll find your true worth which is immeasurable.
You’ll realise that you’ve always been taken care of when every difficulty comes to an end.
Somehow miraculously, you got out of every type of situation in your life. Those intense moments always come to an end.
We say I don’t know how it happened but how it happened is the One who’s always caring for you takes you out of it.
It was miraculous because, by default, miracles are something beyond human capability. It happens by divine intervention.
So you can stop worrying already.
Allah; the Most Loving, The Compassionate, has always taken care of you and will always take care of you. Every tight situation, every horrible scene that you found yourself in, came to an end.
Because Allah took you out of it. You are the creation of the Most Merciful Creator.
Plugging into the Ultimate Power Source
When you connect to the source of life, to the Creator of life, when you know who the Creator is, when you know who Ar Rahman or Al Wadud is, when you know who Allah (swt)is, then you will know who you are, the creation of the Creator.
When you’re connected like that, you’ll feel contentment and peace.
Because Allah says, in Surah Ar Ra’d verse 28,
Only in the remembrance of Allah, when you are connected and thinking about Allah, will your heart attain that peace, security, tranquillity, whatever it is that your heart desires.
That unsettled feeling will disappear in that connection. But it has to be a clear connection.
It has to be one of reliance, one of trust, one of hope.
It has to be one of belief, where you actually believe that it’s true. You’ll find all the solutions you want when that happens.
I want to reiterate that one of the key reasons that people don’t know who they are, is because they feel unsatisfied.
Their desires for the things and experiences that they want in life aren’t being met.
They try everything and nothing brings them that peace.
You do exceptionally well at your job.
You raise your family, you do multiple things, social activities, you’re engaged in the community, all sorts.
When you do all of those things, and you still cannot find peace, then people become disillusioned and they start to think, where is Allah?
Where is this peace that Allah promises?
They lose sight of who they are. They lose sight of all the blessings and at that moment, they start to feel like they don’t know who they are.
But all it comes down to is acceptance and understanding.
Accepting that you are the creation, accepting that you are that perfectly imperfect human being. And that you can be okay.
But you’ve got to create that connection. That connection is like the umbilical cord of life.
It’s the source of your contentment and peace. If you don’t get that part right, it all messes up.
When you can clear away all of the trials and challenging thoughts around you, that connection becomes clearer.
When that connection becomes clearer you can find the safety and the security and all the things that you’re looking for.
That’s when you will feel peace and contentment. It doesn’t matter what the world looks like on the outside, you will feel what we call Emaan.
This is really deep stuff. If you find that you’re not quite getting it, or it’s resonating, but it’s not hitting home, then my suggestion is read this again.
The goal of this is to help to coach you through your life and create results.
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