In this article, I’m diving into how to deal with a struggle of Connection and Reliance.
Everyone wants to feel connected. They want to feel that sense of Reliance; Tawakkul, that feeling that life’s okay and I’m okay.
I can deal with it. It’s not just about coping, because no one wants Reliance to just cope.
I don’t know any of my coaches, my students, or my clients, who are looking for a sense of Reliance just so that they can cope.
We’re already coping as it is.
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Give Yourself the Best, Don't Miss it !
We want to feel like we’re doing okay in life, and we can handle life and it’s actually going to be alright.
That’s what you want.
Knowing that it’s going to be alright and you can get past this.
You may feel as though you’re struggling alone with this and everyone else seems to be alright.
You might be on social media, constantly watching everyone live these glorious lives, where everything is so great.
They look so great, those images are so great.
They’ve got the perfect smile, the perfect teeth, the perfect job, and the perfect life.
Everything is so darn perfect.
But you’re thinking to yourself, Hey, I don’t have perfect teeth, what’s going on here?
Anyway, why do we have these struggles?
The struggle of reliance is an issue, when we have an internal struggle of belief, when we have an internal struggle of competing thoughts.
At one moment you feel okay, no issues, you’re praying, you’re fasting, you’re doing all that stuff, especially in Ramadan.
And if you’re seeing this outside of Ramadan, don’t worry, it’s applicable all year round.
In fact, it’s applicable for the rest of your life.
So pay close attention.
We have a competing idea in our minds about how life should be and how life is.
There’s a struggle between the two.
Often, we look at everyone else. And it may be that others seem to have great lives but the truth is you can choose a great life.
I’ll share how to choose a great life at the end of this.
But the thing is you can choose a great life. You can choose your life.
You can make it happen if you want.
Reliance; Tawakkul in Allah is what gives you that sense of okayness.
Reliance on that connection to Allah, which many of us struggle to feel.
That feeling is at the core of your being and it’s what makes you feel alive, energised, connected and life is okay.
But when that feeling is very infrequent or very rarely comes, then it means that you’ve got something challenging going on.
There’s some thinking in your mind.
If you don’t know already, when I’m talking about the mind, I’m not talking about your intellectual mind.
In I’lmu Nafs; the Science of the Nafs, that’s not exactly what we’re talking about, and that’s not what I teach my coaches and my students.
I want you to understand that this is all about your heart.
It’s all about what’s truly going on inside of you and whatever it is, you may think that life should be a certain way.
And when it’s not, you feel like your life is not supported. You don’t get what you need.
You can’t handle life and it becomes emotionally intense.
And at that point, you’re thinking, if I could just have a little bit of this Tawakkul stuff that everyone keeps going on about.
The reliance on Allah, then maybe I’d be alright.
Now, you can have that reliance, you can have that trust, but it comes from your connection to Allah. That’s where it comes from.
This is the perfect moment in your life, for you to recognise that your feeling of being okay, and everything’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with you comes from your connection to Allah(swt).
Yes, sure you want to be connected to other people.
But other people can’t give you that feeling.
That feeling comes from your connection.
Sometimes people think, Well, if my family were nicer, then I’d feel connected.
Other people are thinking, If I could just get rid of my husband or my wife, I’d feel much better. I’d feel connected.
Other people are thinking If I could just get married? Then I’d feel connected.
I’d feel better.
But your sense of peace and tranquility doesn’t come from your connection to people.
That sense of okayness comes from Allah(swt) alone.
And I know, you’re thinking, I pray and I do these things, so how come I’m not getting connected?
Here’s the reason why.
THE CORE OF OKAYNESS
When we’re doing the five daily prayers and the fasting, and all of the good stuff that you do in your life, but you still feel disconnected it’s because you’ve got some internal conflict going on.
That internal conflict is a struggle between what you wish life would be like, and what it is like.
“If it could be like this, then I’ll be happy.”
The reality is you can be okay, regardless of what life is in this moment.
That okayness will only come from looking at your life without judgment.
Many of us have these internal struggles where we look at our own lives with feelings of bitterness and resentment.
We’re unhappy about what we did in our youth, or we’re unhappy about what other people have done, and we’re resentful towards those around us.
We feel as though people around us don’t support us and that everyone should make us feel better.
But people can’t make you feel better, you have to make yourself feel better.
And the quickest way to feel better is through your connection to the Almighty, the All-Merciful, the Provider, the Sustainer.
The One that gives you everything, every day.
We have these thoughts about what it should be like, and how we shouldn’t be facing these challenges.
But honestly, have you ever been through a year of your life with no challenges?
Of course not.
BREAKING THE JUDGEMENT HABIT WITH COMPASSION AND MERCY
There’s not a person on the face of the planet that doesn’t face challenges. It’s the human experience.
So, you’ve got to look at your life with no judgment.
If you can look at your life without judgment, you’re going to see that your life is more than bearable. It’s livable.
When you have that feeling inside of you, that something’s going wrong and something’s wrong with you, and with the world.
Those feelings exist because you have some toxic ideas about yourself.
You think there’s something wrong with you. That’s a toxic thought.
Thinking, surely there can’t be anything right with me, because I don’t have in my life, what others have.
Just because you don’t have, doesn’t mean you can’t have different going forward. But you’ll never be able to have a different going forward if you don’t stop yourself and look at your life with some compassion and mercy.
When you stop having horrible feelings about yourself and the rest of the world, you’re going to feel okay.
You don’t have to run with negative, toxic thoughts.
If you can stop, then you realise that your life is pretty good. It’s pretty livable.
And from a place of pretty good and livable, you can grow your life and take yourself to a different level.
TRUSTING THE CONNECTION TO ALLAH
Trust your gut feeling in this case. That feeling that you’re not going to find this anywhere except in Allah, everyone has that feeling.
You’ve gone everywhere, you’ve gone to people. And it’s not that you should blame people.
If you’re blaming people, you need to stop that. It’s not going to help you.
For as long as you blame them, you have no control of your life.
You’re thinking everyone else is causing your life. But when you can actually take back charge and responsibility for how you feel and think and experience your life, then you’re in your element.
You’re now in a place where you can make changes.
The first change you need to make is that awareness that Allah(swt) is supporting you and has been supporting you, your whole life.
Every heartbeat, every breath, every morning when you wake up.
Your ability to breathe and live and experience emotions is a blessing in and of itself.
As long as you run with horrible toxic thoughts, you’re not going to see the blessings in your life.
You’re not going to see that Allah is blessing you.
Even when you feel like you’re being tested, Allah is still blessing you with that.
Can you fathom what I’m saying?
Even within your test, Allah (swt) is blessing you.
If you could just see the blessing, all the struggle would just fall to the wayside. It wouldn’t be so difficult. You can do this. You’ve got this.
The Creator of the Heavens and the Earth has equipped you with everything you need.
Allah (swt) says He would not give you something that you can’t handle, beyond your capacity.
If you look at your challenge and drop those toxic thoughts, you’re going to see that you’re already connected to Allah (swt) and that he’s already taken care of you.
When you can see that connection, you will feel connected.
When you feel connected, you’re in a good place and in a state where you can do something about your life.
You’re not going to be in an emotional mess or an emotional cloud.
You’re out of that and you can make decisions that will empower your life and take your life to where you want it to go.
Reliance and trust are the fruits of that connection to Allah. Being able to see that Allah(swt) is giving you everything you need.
Allah (swt) will help you change when you step up and submit your mind, trust him, and have good thoughts about Him; Azzawajal.
He is the only One that can give you what you need. This is a fact.
When you can nurture your heart on that, it’s a connection that comes from love. And from that love comes a feeling of trust and okayness.
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