In this article, we get into sabotage and self-sabotage, the link between that, and thinking, why can’t I have my life the way I want it? 

Many of you are asking questions like, ‘Why isn’t life turning out the way I want it? 

Why do I feel stuck? Why does my life feel this way forever?’ 

But we fail to realise why. 

The reason we always ask why is because we fail to realise this. 

People ask themselves this and they’re not always verbalising it.

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When we feel like we lose that love it’s a really difficult thing to deal with.

Most of us, when we go through that loss, we feel like we can’t come out of it. That it’s going to last forever, and that the pain and anguish are so difficult to deal with. 

But I want to focus on how we can deal with it. 

Straight off I want to say that loss isn’t forever. 

Loss is not forever unless we lose Allah.

The power to remain in the world and experience life without this deep sense of sadness and loss, guilt, and shame is to step into the world. 

The reality is that we all lose. To some degree, we all lose love. 

Losing love is something that we can’t possibly understand. Until you understand that your feelings are caused from deep within you.

It’s a process of the heart. 

The love that you feel you lose is never lost. As long as you do not lose Allah in your heart. 

This is the key. I know these are vague statements, but don’t worry it will make sense. 

The truth is we live in the Dunya; in this world as though it’s all that exists. 

And for the present, it is all that exists right now.

However, through Revelation, we are taught about the Akhira.

Allah (swt) says,

Every soul shall taste Death.

Allah doesn’t say that you’re going to remain in death. 

Death is not a place to remain in. But we see it as the end.

When you think about the Akhirah, it’s a stage of life. But what we do is we see it as the end. 

We often suffer the pain and anguish and the struggles because we don’t want to face the end. 

Let’s be honest, who wants to face the end? No one wants to face the end.

We’re not motivated by the end, we’re motivated by the beginning, by the spring of life, by the summer of life.


I want you to reframe your understanding.

Akhirah means what comes next, what comes after this life.

The life of the Dunya you see, the love that you feel you lose, is the love that you’ve experienced in this Dunya for a temporary period. 

If you think about the time we spend together, you feel some love, some anger, some sadness, you feel a mixture of emotions, but then the loss comes and you depart ways, and you feel as though you’ve lost love.

You don’t feel as though you’ve lost the anger or the frustration or the times that you didn’t quite enjoy.

What we mourn and stay in sadness and grief over is the love that we’ve lost.

But you haven’t lost it.

It’s impossible to lose it, except if you lose Allah. 

Because Allah (swt) is Al Hayy; Al Qayyum; Forever Living. 

And you and I, because we are the creation of Al Hayy; 

Al Khaliq; the creation of Ar Rahman, the creation of the Most Merciful, the Most Gracious, the Ever Living, Allah has bestowed upon us this blessing, that we will live forever. 

When you lose someone, and depart ways from them, it’s a temporary separation.

You cannot possibly lose them unless you lose Allah. 


The Prophet (saw) when talking about this, said that a person will be with the one that they love. 

One of the variations of this Hadith is that the Prophet(saw) was asked by a man, When is the Hour, the Day of Judgment? 

When is the time that we finish this life and stand before Allah? 

And he(saw)  said, What have you prepared for it?

The man responded, not a thing except that I love Allah and the Messenger of Allah(saw).

And then the Prophet (saw) said, You are with the one that you love. 

He asked, When is that moment, when is the time that we stand before Allah?

Think about this.

When you stand before Allah, that’s the moment that eternity begins.

The Akhirah is eternity. 

While we’re busy thinking it’s the end, it’s not. 

It’s the beginning. It’s the spring but it will not be the spring unless you have Allah in your life. 

This is why the Prophet (saw)  said to this man, you will be with the one that you love.

When the Prophet (saw) asked the man, What have you prepared for it? 

He said nothing except that I love Allah and I love his Messenger (saw). 

I want you to understand what that means.

To love Allah and love His Messenger (saw),how do we know what that means? 

Allah (swt) says in the Quran which the Messenger(saw) revealed to the people,  if you truly love Allah, follow me.

So loving Allah is following the Messenger of Allah.

This is what I mean by having Allah in your heart.

If you do not lose Allah, you cannot lose the ones that you love. 

Because eternity is next. It’s not the end.

And it doesn’t matter what good times and bad times you had because what you cherish and what you think about is the love that you lost. 

Not the sadness, or the anger, or any of those things. You cherish the love that you lost. 

You think about the love. You think about your loved ones and the love that was between you.

You cannot possibly lose that love because the love that you feel for your loved one is from you. It’s not from them, it’s from you. 

What you feel is within you. It’s not external.

If you’re like this man that the Prophet (saw) was talking to, he said,

‘I prepared my love for Allah, and my love for the Messenger of Allah.’ 

Doing that you’ve got double the good news here. 

One is you will be with the ones that you love. So if you love Allah, and you love the Messenger of Allah, then you will be for eternity with Allah and the Messenger of Allah(saw). 

The second good news, this is from a different variation of the Hadith,

the person will be raised with the one that they love.

This separation is temporary so you can’t lose that love. Because that love is from within you. 

We enjoy the company of our loved ones because we love them. Because we experience that love from within us.

You have a deep sense of love and appreciation and it’s all from within you. 

So you can’t lose it.


The Messenger of Allah (saw) said You will be raised with the ones that you love. So if you want to be raised with the ones that you love, you have to love them in your actions.

Not just in your thinking, not just in your heart, you have to love them in your actions.

Allah tells us, that if you truly love Allah, then follow the Messenger Allah. 

This is such good news because you’re not going to lose. You can never lose. You are the legacy.

Especially with our parents, we are the legacy of our parents. 

We are the legacy, what you do matters. What you think and feel matters. 

When you lose a loved one, then if your love is true and you do not lose sight of Allah because that’s the condition. 

Your love of Allah guarantees you eternity and that love of Allah is shown through obedience to Allah, obedience to the Messenger of Allah. 

When we think about obedience, we struggle with that word. But it’s not a struggle. 

It’s like the love that’s between a child and a parent. 

The child wants to please a parent so they do things to please them. 

If you feel like you’ve made mistakes, if you feel guilt, shame, or whatever it is, the past does not matter and it will not equal the future. 

What you do now is all that matters. 

If you make mistakes, you wipe them out with Istighfaar.

If you feel guilt, shame, or anything that you don’t like, use it as fuel to be the legacy.

Become the legacy. Follow the Messenger of Allah (saw). 

Understand the book of Allah, understand who Allah is, who the Messenger (saw)  is, and you will understand how to be raised with your loved ones. 

This is the guarantee, if you want one. 

Be the legacy. Live in the world as though you are from the inhabitants of Jannah. 

Live this life, as though you are the inhabitants of Jannah, and losing becomes impossible. 

But if you live in this world, as though this world is all there is, then your choices will lead you to loss. Nothing else. 

Because Allah (swt) has given all of us the ability. Allah has given us a completely clear picture. 

What you experience is within you.

So when those special moments come and you remember your loved ones, connect yourself to Allah (swt) and know that there is only temporary separation. 

The Akhira is the spring and the summer of life.

But you have to prepare for the spring and the summer of life. 

You have to prepare for that by nurturing your heart and connecting yourself.

It’s the most profound thing ever. There’s no loss.

Live in this world, as though you’re the inhabitants of Jannah. Live in this world, as though you are the fruits. You are the fruits of that love. 

You can’t lose anyone. Because no matter what, a person will be raised with whom they love.

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About the Author: Abdul Shahid – Master Coach Trainer & Therapist of Professional Life Coaches, pioneering The Science of the Nafs Psychology model for healing, transformation and peak performance. Specialist in Mind health, wealth and mastery using this Quran and sunnah based Spiritual Psychology.