#025 Seeking Approval and Acceptance

In this thought-provoking episode, we look at why we strive to seek validation and recognition from others. 

We delve into our desire for acceptance, acknowledgment, and the impact it has on our self-esteem and relationships.

What You’ll Learn in this Podcast:

1. How to overcome inner struggles of validation and acceptance 
2. Success and Acceptance 
3. How to understand addictive behaviours and unmet emotional needs.

Mentioned on the Podcast: (Click on Links)

• Nafs Coaching School
• Mind Health & Relationship training (Free Training & Newsletter)

Breaking the Cycle of Dependency 

We strive for acceptance all our entire lives without knowing what it is that we’re actually looking for. 

For example, “I want to be recognised for my skills. I want to be accepted in the crowd, I want to be accepted by my work peers,

I just want to be accepted.” 

The desire to attain that recognition at times drives a person to do things you wouldn’t otherwise do. 

These desires and needs become the force and the motivation behind much of what we do. 

While a healthy amount of validation can be beneficial, excessive reliance on it can lead to destructive behaviors, low self-esteem, and strained relationships. 

This has an adverse effect on all relationships, be that personal or business. 

So, it’s imperative we strike a balance. It’s important to understand the good and the bad of this constant desire for validation. 

The fact that we need it means it’s essential for us.

The greatest validation that anyone needs is to validate themselves. 

A lack of self-acceptance and self-worth often drives us to seek external validation, which can create a cycle of neediness and dependency on others’ opinions.

There’s a strong connection between seeking validation and self-esteem. 

Sometimes, not knowing our own abilities to create a great life with the God-given skills and resources that we already have within ourselves, makes us miss it completely. 

So, if you recognise that you constantly need this, then doing some inner work is good to figure out what you’re actually feeling.

Recognising that the greatest connection, the greatest validation that you’re ever going to get is from Allah (swt). 

The one constant validation and connection that you can have is always being connected to the Most Merciful, the Most Loving, the One who accepts you regardless of your shortcomings. 

Allah (swt) will always accept you and has given us guidelines to help ourselves by shaping our minds with knowledge and understanding. 

The essential steps to create this self-belief is the inner work and reflection. 

Look at your behaviours, look at your actions, and then look at what’s behind that.

Look at what you’re seeking out. Because it all comes down to what you’re looking for. 

What’s your goal? What are your intentions?

This can be determined by looking at the actions you’re taking. 

Seeking validation is a natural human behaviour, but it’s important to strike a balance. True validation comes from within. 

No one wants to feel like a stranger. 

However, if you and I can just learn to accept ourselves first, by validating ourselves, then we’ve reached the foundational level of validation and recognition.

Validation and recognition is important! 

The most important validation and recognition that we need, is we need to be accepted, regardless of our flaws and regardless of the mistakes that we make.

The only one that does that 100% of the time is the Most Merciful, Ar Rahman, Ar Rahim, your Lord.

Then after that, it’s your loved ones but this is not unconditional. 

If you want your loved ones, the people who are close to you to accept you and give you that validation, the easiest way to get that, is for you to give it first. 

Giving validation can be a powerful way to receive it in return. By giving respect, acceptance, and kindness to others, they will give it to you in return.

About the Author: Abdul Shahid – Life Transformation Coach & Principle Trainer of Professional Muslim Coaches using the Science of the Nafs coaching and peak performance science. Specialist in Mind health, wealth and mastery using this Quran and sunnah based Spiritual Psychology model.