#057 Avoiding Confrontation in Relationships

Do you ever not want to just go home and feel like giving up because of how drained you feel when you think about it?

In this episode, we’re exploring the concept of overworking as a means to avoid dealing with difficult relationships and confrontation.

What You’ll Learn in this Podcast:

How to stop dreading relationships in your life
The path to overcoming the avoidance behaviours, and head home freely and willingly.
How to uplevel and live an optimal life.

Mentioned on the Podcast: (Click on Links)

Nafs Coaching School
Mind Health & Relationship training (Free Training & Newsletter)

Relationship Confrontation to Reconciliation and Harmony

Many of my clients, the high performers, are constantly in a state of working hard, but not always for all the right reasons. Simply thinking about returning home can trigger negative feelings.

You walk towards your house, and as you get to the front door, you haven’t even entered your home yet, but you start to feel this draining feeling.

If you have ever experienced this, or you are currently experiencing it, it’s a normal feeling. However, it’s not a good feeling, or one you want to sit with, so the goal is to address this feeling in a constructive manner.

I’ve worked with numerous people, who have spent 20 – 30 years of the relationship just escaping each other, forever in this state of trying to find any opportunity to escape their relationships and their family members.

Many people who come into the Nafs Coaching School, whether they’re trained in a modality of psychology or not, or they have no background at all, know about mindset.

And mindset is a good thing to focus on. But very often we think that if we focus enough on mindset, we can just wish away the feelings, then everything will change.

Over time, this approach becomes counterproductive, as many of my students have experienced.

You can’t change it by constantly doing mindset work, constantly doing things that make you feel better temporarily.

It’s not that it doesn’t work in the short term, but you’re doing it temporarily, for a temporary fix for the problem, not a permanent solution.

It creates a pattern of avoidance behaviour and seeking temporary relief from distractions, such as Netflix, social media, food or other whatever activities gives you that temporary relief you’re looking for.

As a result, we find ourselves not doing the things we want to do, and our relationships never get better. Instead, they fall into this stalemate almost, where no one’s going anywhere fast.

However, there is a way out of this predicament. If we want to make changes, we have to learn to change the way we relate, the way we connect, and the way we interact in those relationships.

You don’t have to stay in a state of awfulness for the rest of your life. No one has to endure that.

But, you do need to take ownership of your own power.

You can’t change people. But you can change how the relationship impacts you, by changing how you relate to people and your perception of them.

You can totally change what’s within your scope of change. Your power is something that Allah (swt) gave you, and If you control what is within your power, yourself you’re already halfway there.

If we focus on what we know for sure, what Allah (swt) has given us, control over ourselves. Then we can begin to make some incremental, tiny changes, but changes that make a massive impact on our lives, on our relationships, on our mental, spiritual, and physical well-being.

However, if you try to give yourself a complete overnight overhaul, and put this big fat bandage on top of yourself. You may feel better in the short term, but it’s certainly not going to fix it in the long term.

In the Nafs Transformation programme, that’s exactly what we’re focused on, changes that’s lasting, profound and life transformational.

This journey with the Science of the Nafs is about getting yourself to the optimum level, where you can actually thrive.

So, if you’re staying late at work just to escape your home life, that’s not going to give you a lasting solution to your problem, in fact it’s only going to make your situation even more unbearable.

Take it in your stride, and understand that Allah has given you the tools to deal with any challenge in life.

You have the ability to make changes, focus on what’s within your control, and you begin to lead transformative results in your relationships, your life, happiness and well-being.

About the Author: Abdul Shahid – Master Coach Trainer & Therapist of Professional Life Coaches, using The Science of the Nafs Psychology model for healing, transformation and peak performance. Specialist in Mind health, wealth and mastery using this Quran and sunnah based Spiritual Psychology.