In this article, I’m turning up the heat. We’re diving into getting hot with your emotions. 

I don’t mean hot physically, I mean emotionally hot.

Most of us tend to self-sabotage when this happens. Right? 

I talk about self-sabotage a lot because I train coaches and therapists, and I take people through a life transformation. 

One of the biggest obstacles that most of my clients face, whether they’re coaches, therapists, or just professionals going through a personal transformation in their lives is self-sabotage and negative emotional spiralling.

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All people have internal triggers or switches. But it doesn’t switch on self-reflection.

Instead, it’s the self-destruction button that goes on. 

Then we behave in ways that affect us emotionally, psychologically, and physically.

The Science of the Nafs is three things. 

In this science, what we focus on is your spiritual, your psychological, and your physical. 

The three are intertwined. They’re connected and all impact each other. 

So when you’re affected emotionally, and psychologically, then it impacts you spiritually. 

When emotions are running high, we turn on ourselves without even realising it. 

I see this happen again, and again and again, with all of my students, clients, coaches, therapists, and people.

It’s such an important thing. I was actually on a coaching call with one of my amazing coaches and she said, Oh, so I can see a video coming out on this.

I thought about it and I thought no, this subject is too deep. 

But I came away and I thought, no, actually, I’m going to share it with you so you can understand how to deal with it. 

Take you through it because my guess is you probably struggle with this one like most people.

Now, is this happening to you?

Do you get emotional because of something going on in your life? 

Maybe some circumstance you find yourself in, relationship challenges, work challenges, any challenge, psychological, physical, spiritual, whatever.

Are you in some sort of challenge where you’re emotionally spiralling?

A negative spiral, call it fear, anxiety, sadness, overwhelm, whatever you want to call it. 

And when you get into that state, does it impact your spiritual connection and the way you connect with Allah? 

Even the most “pious people,” when they get into this emotional low, it impacts their Emaan. 

It impacts the way that they connect to Allah(swt).

This is normal. 

When you study the Deen, one of the things you hear a lot is,

‘Human belief increases and decreases.’

It’s only natural then that your feelings will increase and decrease.

It will intensify and at times you’ll feel like you can’t be bothered.

That’s the case for many people. They feel as though they’re spiritually affected. 

Some of the things people say are, ‘Why am I feeling like this?’

You wake up one morning or afternoon, you’re busy doing something, and then all of a sudden, this feeling comes over you and you’re thinking, Why am I feeling like this?

You’re in a room full of people that you know very well. And all of a sudden this feeling comes over you, why am I feeling like this? 

Some people say they don’t even ask that question, they say, Why is life so hard? Or why can’t things be okay for me once in a while?

Another very common statement is, ‘I don’t understand why this keeps happening to me. I wish it could be different just for one day.’

These are the kinds of thoughts running through peoples’ minds and you probably have your thoughts.

But if you’ve got similar thoughts to this, you probably feel a bit dismayed. A little bit disconnected, or resentful at times, and maybe even a bit rebellious. 

A lot of people feel rebellious. But they don’t want to feel that way.

But for them, life just doesn’t seem fair at times.

Now, stay with that train of thought, where you feel like you can’t help it.

It seems that bad things just keep happening to me. Everyone else is smiling. Go on social media. They’re all doing these cute little pictures with their favourite filters on, making life look so amazing. 

I feel miserable looking at everyone’s profiles and all of their pictures. It makes me feel like wow, you messed up hard. You can’t seem to get anything right. 

And then you go down that slippery slope of, What’s wrong with me?

There’s something wrong with me, there’s something wrong with you. There’s something wrong with the world. 

The truth is there is something wrong, and it’s your train of thought.


I call it a slippery slope because the minute you start questioning yourself with, ‘What’s wrong with me, what’s wrong with you? What’s wrong with everyone? What’s wrong with life?’

Then you’re going to get an answer. Your mind will give you an answer, lots of answers that you’re not going to like.

It will just come back with, you know this is wrong. That’s wrong. Everything’s wrong. You look wrong. 

Before you know it, you feel terrible. 

And it all started with your train of thought. 

For most people, when you have that downward spiral, you feel that your life is difficult. 

And in that moment, lots of people feel disconnected. 

Because they become disconnected.

They withdraw from people, their friends, and family. And worst of all, they withdraw from Allah. 

Withdrawing from Allah means you start having all these thoughts that are starved of affection, compassion, patience, or even tolerance.

And it’s mostly towards yourself or those around you. 

We have a behavioural response. We run.

The thing is, there is a solution to all of this.

Many of us go through this. So first of all, you’re not alone.

Millions of people face this problem. They just don’t know it’s happening. 


When we get into an emotional low, we start running away, but we run away from Allah and that’s the actual problem itself. 

Instead of helping ourselves with some relief and turning to Allah(swt) for that Tuma’ninah; that serenity and contentment.

That peace of mind and ease.

What we do is disconnect. We turn away and we have all the negative thoughts.

That lazy feeling starts, and all of a sudden you have thoughts that you can’t be bothered.

Thoughts like, I can’t be bothered to make Wudu, so I’ll have to wait until I’ve got Wudu do to pray. 

Suddenly your Salah becomes late, and you start focusing less on the Salah, because obviously you haven’t got Wudu and then you’re thinking okay, I can’t be bothered to make Wudu and then all of a sudden Wudu is a thing.

On a normal day, everything’s fine, Wudu isn’t a thing, it’s just normal. 

You make Wudu and you’re praying, and everything’s normal, but all of a sudden now because you don’t feel too good, Salah becomes a thing and Wudu becomes a thing. 

And before you know it, asking Allah; Dua becomes a thing. Connecting to Allah becomes a thing. 

Your mind is dominated by sad thoughts, unhappy thoughts, or angry thoughts.

They’re squeezing out any space for you to focus on connecting to Allah, through your Dhikr; through your remembrance so that you can feel better. 

That relief comes from your connection to Allah but you’re not even getting any space for that because you’re dominating your mind with all the stuff that you don’t like.

And then you start saying to yourself, I don’t feel connected. 

Spiritually, I feel disconnected. 

I don’t feel like my Salah is right.

Of course, it’s not. If you don’t feel connected because you’re not giving yourself space in your mind to even think and expect good from Allah, then you’re going to feel disconnected because you’re not connecting. 

Ask yourself this question. Are you doing more things to connect? 

Are you doing more things to rejuvenate your Emaan, to make yourself feel better by connecting to the source of better? 

Are you doing more Salah? Are you praying more? Are you asking more? Are you thinking about Allah and His mercy more or less?

Are you waiting for the answer from Allah and expecting it, or are you expecting less, or not even thinking about it? 

Intensification of your expectations is what brings about what you get. 

If you’re expecting all the bad stuff because that’s all you focus on, then you’re not going to get that peace of mind, or ease and tranquility. 

Because your focus is on everything but where your ultimate true inner peace will come from.

Simply put, what I see happening with so many people, is that when they are at an emotional low, when they’re struggling and feeling like life is not so good for them. 

Instead of running to Allah, without thinking, they inadvertently run away. By disconnecting, not thinking, by not doing the things that intensify that inner peace and tranquility.

They turn away. And sometimes people get angry. 

‘Why should I pray? I don’t even get an answer anyway.’ That becomes the thinking. 

That disconnects them and they don’t realise it, but they’re purposely disconnecting. 

You won’t find that peace, that Sakina anywhere except with Allah(swt).

Even if your problems are resolved Sakina comes from the source of all goodness. 


Turning to the Quran and Salah in hope and expectation. 

Become super intentional about your thoughts and your feelings, and create feelings of hope and expectation. It’s a choice. 

Your thinking is all your choice.

You can choose to do this if you want to. Just like you can choose to go to the store for shopping, just like you can choose to sit and talk to people, you can choose what you think about and what you expect. 

It’s within your power. It’s the most beautiful thing. 

Allah(swt) will give you what you need if you expect it.

If you will turn back and expect it. It’s very powerful. 

Instead of running away when you don’t feel good, run to Allah because that’s where you’re going to find all your answers. 

So many of us tend to run away from Allah and then we run to people, looking for help. 

Yet the source of peace, of tranquillity, the source of all solutions, is with Al Manaan; the One who gives you over and over again.

The One who is providing you with everything; Ar Razaaq, is with Ar Rahman, the One who covers you in His mercy, even when you don’t see it. 

So when we have this psychological state or physical, or emotional challenge, we struggle spiritually.

So you need to stay connected, instead of disconnecting. 

Reflect on this. I’ve repeated it multiple times so that you get the core message. 

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About the Author: Abdul Shahid – Master Coach Trainer & Therapist of Professional Life Coaches, pioneering The Science of the Nafs Psychology model for healing, transformation and peak performance. Specialist in Mind health, wealth and mastery using this Quran and sunnah based Spiritual Psychology.