Another powerful episode that breaks down exactly what is happening when you’re being controlling or when the other person in your relationship becomes controlling. 

A must-listen whether you’re a parent, spouse, or like all of us, someone who regularly interacts with HUMANS, call it friends, family, loved ones, or colleagues.

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What You’ll Learn in this Podcast:

  1. Understanding Anxiety and Control in Relationships
  2. Sarah’s story and how we can all relate.
  3. Practical Steps for Rapid Relationship Change.

By the end of this episode, you will understand what the problem is and you’ll have some practical steps you can take immediately that will get you the right kind of Control. 

Anxiety. Feeling Anxious in relationships. Where does it come from?

It often stems from a lack of control and because we’re always having to connect to others, it can leave us feeling very overwhelmed and extremely anxious very often. 

One of the most fundamental things I’ve seen in my journey with the Quranic Science of the Nafs when I help my students and train my coaches, is that as we go through a journey of bettering our state of mental and emotional health, our relationships improve rapidly. 

We were created to be leaders of our minds and our lives.

When we feel anxious, our natural response is to try and control the situation or the people around us.

We try to protect ourselves, our family, or others from what we perceive as bad for them or bad for us. 

But if this need for control is driven by anxiety, then our behaviour tends to create a breakdown in our relationships and the conflict and problems grow so much bigger.

Take Sarah, our fictitious character as an example. Sarah actually represents many of us. 

Sarah is an anxious parent who worries about her children’s future. And her anxiety drives her to control every area of their lives and this controlling behaviour of hers creates tension in her family. 

Not only is her relationship with her children impacted because they see her as bossy. But her marriage is also impacted because her husband thinks she needs to chill out. 

Sarah’s story is a powerful reminder of how our anxiety and the behaviour it leads to can damage our most important relationships. 

One day things are all good and then you’re in the terrible teens or parent-child relationship problems era. Or you and your spouse are just on edge with each other. 

But nothing has to be terrible or edgy because the good news is you can change this. We all can.

The first step is recognising when anxiety is driving your behaviour and taking a step back. Slowing down to take a breather and reflect. 

It all begins in the mind. And we know through the Science of the Nafs and what the Deen teaches us that the heart is the mind. 

The Prophet (saw) said, 

‘Indeed, in the body, there is a piece of flesh. If it’s sound, if you make it good, everything will be good. And this piece of flesh is the heart.’

So what we allow into our heart; the mind is very important. 

What you allow yourself to fester on will determine how you feel.

We’re talking about that racing heart, or heavy head, or an empty, uneasy feeling in the tummy. If you’ve ever felt this, you know. 

But what you need to be more aware of is the fact that something is going on in your thinking and your mind when this happens. 

So you need to step away from it. Take a bird’s eye view of what’s happening and be willing to breathe through it. Monitor what you’re thinking and how you’re behaving with others.

Take your mind to a place of trust where you’ll feel calm. 

The last step is to use this Quranic Science of the Nafs lesson consistently in your life and you will see rapid relationship changes, Insha’Allah. 

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About the Author: Abdul Shahid – Master Coach Trainer & Therapist of Professional Life Coaches, pioneering The Science of the Nafs Psychology model for healing, transformation and peak performance. Specialist in Mind health, wealth and mastery using this Quran and sunnah based Spiritual Psychology.