#017 Overcome Extreme Fear

In this article we discuss how Transformational Life Coaching can help you to overcome the extreme fears that keep you stuck in life, unable to enjoy life and have an impact on your relationships. 

If you’ve never come across me before, just so you know, I’m a Transformational Coach.

I work with people, train coaches, training different types of people, business people, regular people. Not that business people aren’t regular people.

DON’T FORGET LIFE COACH WEEK IS COMING – 30th October we begin insha’Allah.

I work in this field helping people get unstuck.

The focus of this article is to share valuable insights and tools to help you break free from the clutches of fear. 

Fear is a dominant feeling in the world right now. People are looking for ways to alleviate that. And some people are just ignoring the fear that they’re feeling. 

Some people are constantly doing internal work, using the coping mechanisms that they’ve picked up in life, maybe through self-development models, maybe through therapeutic models, and whatever it is that they’ve picked up. 

Maybe it’s just that life experience that they’ve picked up along the way has helped them to manage their emotions. And they’re using those very same coping mechanisms to get through this situation. 

However, what happens if the fear that exists is a fight or flight, a life and death type of fear?

I don’t want to scare you but I want you to focus on my message.

The neuroscientists and the self-help professional development type people, all of the social media people or YouTubers who are actually talking about fear for a long time.

Up until now, the fear that they’ve been talking about is a fear that’s created. It’s not real. 

That’s why you have statements like, Feel the fear and do it anyway. 

Because you’re not going to feel the fear and do it anyway when you’re standing in front of a lion. You’re not going to jump in and get eaten.

That’s the fight or flight, that’s a life and death type of fear. So I just want to distinguish between the two. 

This is what people are feeling sometimes. They feel like they’re in this fight or flight mode, they’re in this life and death situation, for different reasons. 

The pandemic was the most recent occurrence and this was even more prevalent. 

What I’m seeing is the fear that creates anxiety, panic, and tightness of breath. When you’re tight, your chest feels restricted, like your whole body’s kind of shutting down.

People are having asthma attacks, people are having all sorts of attacks, getting rashes and all sorts. 

There are psychosomatic symptoms here, it’s psychological, but it’s creating physical symptoms, and a lot of people are experiencing this. 

The whole world is currently in a state of stress. Not every single person, but everyone is affected by this level of stress that seems to be in the air. 

Stress is an underlying factor in weakening a person’s immune system and making us vulnerable.

If you look at all major illnesses, you find that stress is the common factor. 

It becomes like a vicious cycle that we find ourselves in. 

You try not to get stressed out and then you get stressed out, and your immune system becomes vulnerable as a result of it.

Empathy and Support

How do you escape that?

I really want to help you. That’s why I’m doing this.

I want to do my part in trying to alleviate this situation. I’m not God. I’m not someone who has power over the world. 

However, I’m one person, I’m one voice. So I’m going to share something with you that I hope and pray will be a source of ease and comfort for you. 

My heart goes out to you and all the other people suffering from the current circumstances that we face.

If you look into history, you’re going to find that the human race has always gotten through every situation. 

OK, enough of the doom and gloom. 

There’s one thing that you have. You have a choice, the whole doom and gloom thing is the choice thing.

It’s not life and death, although you feel like it is. 

If you have the time and luxury to read this, then you’re not actually in that situation.

You fear being in the situation, I get that, but you’re not actually in the situation. 

You’re not actually standing in the mouth of the lion. You’re not about to be eaten. So the whole thing about fight or flight is that you don’t have to fight.

You don’t have to run either, because there’s nothing to run from.

If you’re experiencing extreme fear, it’s because you’re constantly feeding your mind with scary thoughts. That’s what’s really going on. 

It’s a choice. You can choose to be happy, sad, scared, and content, and you can choose to just live and be in the moment. 

You can choose to enjoy your family and you can choose to just enjoy the space.

What a blessing in disguise the pandemic was. 

We’re always so busy that we can’t sit still. But it’s like God Almighty came along and stopped us in our tracks and allowed us to breathe.

So slow down, and just breathe and relax. Just look around, you’re fine. You have food, you have shelter. You have connections, you have people. 

I’m a Muslim, and in the Islamic tradition, God says with every difficulty there is ease. 

With every difficulty there is ease. 

I want you to suspend your thoughts because if you’re challenged right now, if you’re suffering, if you’re feeling anxious, if your chest is tightening, if you’re feeling tingling in your body, all of these things are created in the mind. 

In the medical field, this is called psychosomatic. It starts in the psyche and then it plays out into your physical being.

And you can change that. 

The quickest and easiest way to change that is to just slow down and stop feeding your mind with all of this scary stuff because that’s what’s causing the whole doom and gloom.

That’s what’s causing you the darkness and the fearful thoughts and you can change that. It’s a choice. 

You might be saying to yourself, ‘I can’t handle this.’ 

But you can handle this. You were built to handle this.

You are made to traverse the path of life. You have within you the light of joy.

Within you are the things that you need, the calm that you want. All you have to do is slow down. 

Start breathing, very intentionally. Because when you start panicking and having horrible thoughts, you start getting scared.

It’s so important to breathe. You don’t want to stop breathing. 

I say this to my clients all the time. 

“Feel the emotions, it’s okay. But just breathe through it.” 

Breathe through it, the less you breathe, the more horrible you feel. 

Your body cannot exist without oxygen. You need it.

So, right now, if you’re looking around, and your kids are there, or your family’s there, your work is there, and you’ve got what you need for right now, you’re doing okay. 

So, slow yourself down, stop what’s going on, and you’ll be fine. 

You can handle this. 

Within you is all of the things that you need, all of the things that you want, the love, the compassion, the mercy, and the willingness to help other people exists within you. 

In crises, people step up and they become amazing. And the truth is, they were always those amazing people. 

They were just busy with whatever they were doing. 

There are always blessings. And the most amazing, God-given blessing that you have is your mind. 

It’s truly a blessing. This is one of the things that people will love you for.

People will love you and appreciate you for your humaneness and the vulnerability that exists.

It’s your natural way of being. 

How To Navigate The Danger 

If you feel like you’re not giving, this is what happens from fear. People stop giving when they are struck by fear and anxiety. 

You just need to realise that you’re actually safe. Look around and you’ll see that you’re pretty safe. 

My perspective during the Covid pandemic as a Muslim was, God has given me a bit of time to just chill out and relax. I don’t chill out when I’m freaking out. 

However, I can chill out if I want to. It’s a choice. 

I’ve been given the time to just slow down and just be with my beautiful family and just live. Just be human. You don’t need to become superhuman to survive this. 

The average natural human can survive any situation. If we’re clear in our mind, if we’re not struck by fear and we’re not weakening our own immune systems by constantly getting stressed out. 

That’s the last thing you want to do when there’s a virus going around. 

Born and raised in the UK, in the home counties, I can tell you I look around and I see people that are amazing, wonderful people.

We see our neighbours, we see the people that we interact with.

We see that it’s the nature of people to be loving, to be compassionate, to be helping, to be giving. 

That only stops because of fear. 

When we fear each other, when we fear the future, when we fear the unseen, when we fear what we think is going to happen. 

But the way the Most Merciful, Ar Rahman has created us, is in a natural state of giving. You can handle it, and you’re never alone.

The Source of True Security and Safety 

Sometimes you feel alone. But you’re never alone. Even when there’s no one around. This is what gives me security. 

I know that there’s an All-Merciful, eternally loving Al Wadud. 

An eternally loving Creator that’s always looking after me.

Even in those moments when you’ve suffered and struggled, even in those moments when you felt alone.

You might find that hard to believe. 

But ask yourself, how did your body just heal when it was cut? Who healed it? 

When you were injured, when you were bruised, who keeps your heart beating? 

When you didn’t feel like waking up, when you didn’t feel like getting out of bed? When you just wanted to crawl up in a foetal position and stay in bed, who gave you life? 

You’re always being taken care of. 

Somehow we just seem to find our way out. That’s the thing about humans.

We find our way out to safety and security every time. 

That’s because you’re always being looked after. You’re never alone. Even when you feel like you’re alone. 

You were still taken care of.

Sit with this and reflect. Are you okay?

Have you always somehow got through it? You’ll find that there’s no doubt, you’ve always got through it. Whatever challenge you faced. 

I wake up at half past five, to reflect because I like to have that reflection time. It helps me to get grounded. 

And here are the fruits of my reflection. 

It’s my belief in the unseen designer of life that helps me to see that everything will always be okay. 

I can be certain about that. Because when I was completely unable to do anything for myself to help myself, I was always taken care of.

Somehow, someone found me, or someone got to me and gave me the help that I needed. They may not have even known me, just like I don’t know you. 

So you will always be taken care of 

Trust is the key to feeling secure. 

Trusting in this is my faith, my trust in this unseen power, who is always making sure there’s a night after every day.

The Universe is constantly working the way it was designed to work. The planets, for example, don’t collide, and we don’t just disappear because there’s an order to everything.

There’s an order to life and the situations and the struggles that we face. 

Even when we see chaos, maybe it’s not really chaotic. It’s only uncertain.

The uncertainty of what comes next is what makes people fear.

But you can trust that we were built to last, and you will be okay. 

That’s the way I get security and grounded. So, suspend your disbelief for a second. And just reflect or think about your life. 

Think about all the challenges you’ve had, that you’ve always got through.

You’re here now and that means that you’ve always gotten through every challenge that you’ve had. 

Let me share a quick anxiety reducer with you now. This is not a coping strategy.

This will help you to stay balanced, with a clear mind, the mind that doesn’t freak out and always seems to find problems. 

The right mind is the mind that finds the solutions.

A solution-focused mind. The only way that can happen is to have a clear mind. 

So what is this?

Right now, clear your mind of anything and everything. And just stop.

Breathe in. Don’t do it psychologically. Do it physically. Breathe in.

Hold it and slowly let your breath out. And just keep doing that. Deep breathing, slow breathing, not too slow. And definitely not fast. 

Right now. You don’t need to know more than you do already. 

Keep breathing slowly. Breathe in through your nose or breathe in how you want to breathe. But slowly and surely. 

If you’re suffering from fear or anxiety, you know you’re feeling really stressed out. What will really help you now more than anything is for you to create a habit of stopping. 

Stop the constant, repeated negative flow of news. 

Stop that flow, stop yourself from reading the social stuff constantly. 

If there’s something really important, people will bring it to your attention. You won’t be able to escape it. 

So you don’t need to be constantly running into the news every corner you turn. 

It’s like you’re walking home and every time you bump into someone, they tell you the same thing. 

The sky is falling down. And then you turn a corner and the sky is falling down. You turn another corner, the sky is falling down.

By the time you get home, you’re a nervous wreck, you think it’s actually happened.

But you can stop that.

Because that’s the thing that’s causing you the greatest anxiety.

If you stop, your mind will calm down. You don’t need soothing music, you don’t need to do positive thinking and talk yourself out of it. You don’t need to do any of it. 

Just stop the negative flow into your mind. Stand guard at the door of your mind. 

Have you ever heard the phrase, What you eat is what you are? Because it’s very true.

What you consume will create what you feel. So if you consume fear-inducing horror stories, constantly read the news, and listen to the news, then you will feel fear constantly. 

On the other hand, if you feed your mind with constant sad stories in the news, then you’re going to feel sad. If you do that for long enough, you’re going to feel depressed. 

Depression is just the deeper form of it. We weren’t built to be 24-hour recipients of the news. 

That’s not how we were created. 

If you go back in history, when there was no 24-hour news, people were just fine. There were crises, there were all sorts of stuff, and people did just fine. And you will do just fine.

Stop the inflow and within a few days, you’re going to see that your life changes, and all of your anxiety starts to calm down.

So stand guard at the door of your mind, and don’t let the boogeyman in.

if you allow the boogeyman in, all of that negativity to come in, then you will be living in your mind with the Boogeyman. You can stop that. 

It’s a choice.

Your instinct will tell you to stay connected. 

But if you want to stay connected, choose only the positive connections, the positive groups, and the channels.

The positive is those who help you to prosper in your mind and prosper in your life, groups where you don’t have people constantly sharing horror stories.

Stay in touch with positive people over the phone, and stay in touch with those who are going to help you. If you’re finding it difficult with them then just change the way you’re being.

Changes Makes All the Difference

The quickest change you can make is changing yourself, changing the way you’re being. If you change the way you’re being you’re going to see that everything changes, their response to you changes. 

Change the place that you’re coming from in your mind. 

Don’t come from a place of being on edge and constant fear. 

If you’re always in a state of fear and anxiety and intense emotions, you’ll find that the children and family are going to play up. 

Children get scared and they feed off of your vibes.

It sounds super simple. But it is. This is exactly how I manage myself in uncertain times. I don’t thrive on uncertainty, just like you. 

No one does. 

We love certainty, we love to feel comfortable in our surroundings. However, I get my confidence and peace of mind from these two things. 

I rely on the One and only eternal, merciful, loving, and compassionate Creator, who is always taking care of me, taking care of you, taking care of our affairs.

The second thing I do is manage the flow of information.

I stand guard at the door of my mind. If you do this, I’m pretty certain you’ll be okay. You can do this, there’s no doubt about it. 

You can stay positive, you can live in the now. 

Let that light of mercy, love, and compassion flow from within you, come from a place where you’re clear in your mind.

Don’t let the fear put your light out. Because you can absolutely do this.

You don’t have to allow fear to dominate your life. Because most of the time, it’s not real.

Look around and you’ll see that you’re okay. 

When you come from a place of ease and not being on edge, you’re going to be able to appreciate your family, your neighbours, and those around you. 

Reach out to other people, help other people. When you’re not in a state of fear, you can help other people. 

You can be in the service of humanity.