In today’s article, I share some gems about how to fail in order to win. 

This applies  to you if: 

  • you’re someone who feels like you want to quit, 
  • you want to just give up on yourself, 
  • or you want to give up on the things that you’ve tried to achieve in your life because you’re going through a hard time and things are really difficult, 
  • or sometimes you want to win, but you don’t want to experience all of the discomfort that comes with that journey.

I’ll jump straight in. 

Allow it to simmer in your mind for a little while.

And focus on my words. 

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It’s the obstacle that keeps us from achieving the lives that we want to create. We often think that we failed. And that’s the result.

And that’s not actually how it is. Stay with me, you’re going to understand what I mean.

Most of the time when you’re thinking about failing, or when you’re thinking about quitting, giving up on yourself, or giving up on something in your life that you’re driving towards. 

Maybe it’s relationships, maybe it’s your projects, the things that you’re setting out to do, maybe it’s your work, whatever it is. 

When you’re thinking about giving up, often you feel like you’re at the end of the road, but the reality is that you’re not at the end of the road.

You’re actually just en route and it’s an obstacle that you have to face. 

The reason people feel as though they failed is because you tell yourself that you cannot possibly do this. You can’t possibly make it work. 

You just can’t or you don’t have the ability.

When I’m coaching my clients, and training my coaches and therapists, as they go through that journey, they all experience this.

As I go through my journey of life, I experience this over and over again. And that’s what I want you to understand. 

That’s really a key distinction. Failing is not the result. 

It’s the obstacle en route to your results. 

That means that you can have lots of it. You’re going to have lots of it. And it also means that it’s totally normal.

But we have these experiences where we feel like we failed at trying to do something or we’re failing at doing something. 

And in the process, we just want to give up and quit.

We just want to give up that emotional experience that we’re feeling at that moment.

What’s really happening is that, as you’re going through the motions and you’re telling yourself that you’re failing,  that this is not working. 

You can’t do it. You don’t have what it takes, you’re not good enough. 

When you tell yourself these things and no one says these things out loud, well not many people. We think it without even realising what we’re doing. 

And we get into this emotional pain. And it feels like a struggle. 

It feels like a struggle and that’s the obstacle.

You feel like it’s failing, like it’s not happening, and you feel like you should give up on yourself. 

You feel like you should give up on other people, you should give up on life, on creating an amazing life because maybe you weren’t destined for it. 

But to be quite frank with you, that’s just nonsense thoughts that we’ve got rolling around in our minds.

Maybe it’s Waswas from Shaytaan, or maybe it’s just your own negative thinking.

Maybe it’s just things that you’ve picked up from hearing other people. It doesn’t matter. 

The bottom line is, and let’s go back to the ultimate truth. Failing is just an obstacle en route to the results.

That means that you’re going to get the results, if you keep going, despite what you call a failure.

Despite what you call it not happening, or you’re not good enough or don’t have what it takes, or your circumstances don’t allow.

Despite you thinking everyone else has got it easy and you’ve got it really hard.

I coach my clients through these struggles all the time. So I get it. 

But the feeling of failing, the experience of I won’t make it, I won’t be able to do this. All of those things are internally generated.

That feeling you’re experiencing is the obstacle itself. 

That’s the obstacle.

What you’ve got to do is really focus on emptying your mind.

This is why I train all of the people that go through the Nafs Transformation programme.

It’s about emptying your mind of all of the stuff that’s actually creating that feeling of being stuck, that feeling of stagnation.

The feeling of I’m going to fail, I can’t do this.

All of those things happening inside of you, in order to get past it, you’ve got to empty your mind. 

No one fails if they’re willing to believe.

That means you won’t fail if you’re willing to believe. It’s your willingness to believe that will raise you above your obstacle.

It will raise you and take you beyond any obstacle that you perceive. 


It’s your willingness to believe that makes it possible. 

Because at that moment, if you’re willing to actually believe in the possibility of this, it means that you actually get past that life suck of an obstacle.

I get that it drains your energy.

But if you’re willing to empty your mind to just focus on believing that you can actually get beyond this, then you will actually get beyond it.

Sounds crazy simple, right?

I know many of you reading this are coaches and therapists.

And many of you aren’t. Probably the majority of you aren’t.

But I want you to understand that you can totally turn things around. To turn it around, you absolutely have to be willing to believe in the possibility of this. 

If you do that, then you can make it work.

Failing is the obstacle. 

Much of the time, when that feeling of failure is coming, the feeling of wanting to quit, wanting to give up on yourself, it’s if you can’t make it work instantly.

That’s what people do.

It’s that microwave lifestyle. If you can’t get it instantly, you want to quit.

On the other hand, if you try to do everything perfectly, you will also want to give up.

That’s one of the main reasons that people struggle.

It’s got to be perfect, the best that they can produce in their lives. And if it isn’t that way, it means it sucks. It means it’s rubbish, it means you’re no good. 

It proves to you that the thoughts you have about yourself, which is that you’re not good enough are “true”.

So let’s keep it simple. Empty your mind of all of the nonsense that’s standing in your way. 

If you believe in the possibility of making it happen, then you will overcome any failure and any obstacle.

I’ve seen this happen. 

Alhamdulillah, when a good couple of 1,000 people went through this training that I hosted.

It was a five-day training and it was amazing.

It helps us to reconnect spiritually, understand psychologically, and actually learn some of the most important steps in creating amazing relationships with ourselves, with our Creator, and with our loved ones.

We’re talking about creating mind health and wealth.

Now, many of you get to the end, and you might be thinking, Oh, it’s just five days and it’s over. 

That was a bit of a nice high for a little while, and then I can just go back to giving up, to quitting. 

You shouldn’t do that. 

No matter which platform you access my content from, be it blog, podcast, website, or social media, I’m teaching you through this. 

I am teaching you the very foundation of what we do in the Science of the Nafs. 

This is a human science. This is how we’ve been created.

So you simply take this stuff and apply it, and be willing to believe. The willingness to believe is such a key component.

If you’re willing to believe, you’ll get over any failure. You never have to quit on yourself, or anything in your life.

Failing is just a part of the journey.

Hence the reason I say, failing to win. The win is the end result. 

But it’s not the result that you get right at the end of the road. Winning is all the way there if you’re willing to fail.


If you’re willing to fail, you’ll win all the way there. You’re going to overcome every obstacle. I

If you can’t get over it right away, but you’re willing to persist in that, and do it imperfectly, even if it’s not 100%, show up and do it anyway. 

If you’re willing to mess it up, and you’re cool with that, then you’ll get the win.

The failing is just an obstacle en route to the win.

If you understand that, it will change your life. If you are willing to step up and step into that.

I said this to one of my certified coaches. She was coaching a group of people and it was a significant event.

She was getting a little stressed about wanting to have an impact on their lives. 

That’s the best thing about this profession. We do it because we want to help and impact the world, to change lives, so that Allah (swt) will be pleased with how we spend our time.

It was a noble cause that she was working on. Anyway, I gave her one piece of advice. 

I said to her, “Listen, you need to have fun. Choose to have fun in that process. And it will change your whole experience and change the experience of everyone there.

“Everyone will love it.” 

And guess what? Everyone loved it. Because she’s amazing. And she delivered an amazing experience.

Everyone loved it. They had fun. 

It was mental health and mental wealth. It was really the fruit of a choice. 

The obstacle is the fear of failing, but that’s just en route.

You’ve got to expect that. You can’t expect to go through life without having any failures. Failure is a part of the journey. 

You’ve got to fail to win. It’s a key component of this journey.

This is what I teach in the Science of the Nafs. 

You don’t have to be perfect.

Choose fun, choose enjoyment, and choose to be okay. 

It’s okay to be human. It’s okay to be imperfect as a human being because that’s how you’ve been perfectly created. I hope it makes sense. 

If you want to grow, take this concept that I’m teaching you and implement it into your life. It will transform your life Insha’Allah.

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About the Author: Abdul Shahid – Master Coach Trainer & Therapist of Professional Life Coaches, pioneering The Science of the Nafs Psychology model for healing, transformation and peak performance. Specialist in Mind health, wealth and mastery using this Quran and sunnah based Spiritual Psychology.