#035 Struggling with Control

 Many of us struggle with trying to control others and the circumstances that we find ourselves in. 

In this episode, we take an in-depth look at why.

What You’ll Learn in this Podcast:

1. How to overcome control issues.
2. Control in relationships. 
3. Awareness and empowering thoughts.

Mentioned on the Podcast: (Click on Links)

• Nafs Coaching School
• Mind Health & Relationship training (Free Training & Newsletter)

Your God-given Power of Control

Control is a big thing for most people because they just want to feel good. Whether it’s with the family, marital relationship, colleagues, children, or whichever setting, the need to control comes from wanting to feel good. 

But the thing is, we can’t control others.

The more you try to exert power and control over people or situations, the more you end up feeling frustrated, angry, or resentful. 

Before you know it, you’re having an emotional meltdown, or you withdraw, and you go into solitude.

Control can be seen from different angles. It can stem from a need for perfectionism, trying to be a dictator, or having a victim mentality of thinking the whole world is horrible to you. 

There are many ways to look at it but all of it is about wanting to feel good. Wanting to feel okay. 

In Surah Ar Ra’d Allah (swt) says,

إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوْمٍ حَتَّىٰ يُغَيِّرُوا مَا بِأَنفُسِهِمْ

Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. 

That tells us categorically that you can change what’s going on with yourself but anything beyond that is not in your domain of control.

In other words, you’re trying to change things that are in the control of the Creator. 

If you’re trying to control things outside of your control, you’re always going to struggle, get into conflict and you’re always going to be disappointed. 

By having these control issues, you will end up feeling like your expectations are not being met. 

But there’s a solution to this because your expectations are within your control. Your expectations are the rules that you made up in your mind. 

And you can change that. 

Every person can control themselves, by controlling their mind, controlling their thoughts, focusing on what empowers them, and gives them the ability to feel good, as opposed to what disempowers them. 

Your thoughts are what create your feelings. It’s not someone else’s thoughts or behaviours that create your feelings.

They may trigger it, but it’s yours. And you have control over that. 

You’re feeling what you’re feeling, because you’re thinking what you’re thinking, and you’re believing what you’re believing.

You don’t have to get to the bad habits, you can break the habits.

It’s a process. The key is to become aware of your power. Your power is within yourself. 

We try and avoid feelings because we don’t think we can handle them. But you can handle them.

You can become very intentional about your thoughts and overcome these initial urges that you have.

A simple way to break it down is to remember that the mind and heart are where it’s all at. 

Whatever you see, whatever you think, is creating the way you feel. 

It’s all based on what you’re thinking and how you’re seeing things.

If you can focus on the things that empower you, you will absolutely change your life. 

Your behaviours are what create your life. 

You can create the results in your life that you want. 

About the Author: Abdul Shahid – Life Transformation Coach & Principle Trainer of Professional Muslim Coaches using the Science of the Nafs coaching and peak performance science. Specialist in Mind health, wealth and mastery using this Quran and sunnah based Spiritual Psychology model.